When I was asked to write a weekly piece about my MMJ Adventures here on California Weed Blog – I figured in the short term I could share even the smaller activities that have been returned to my life thanks to the relief I have found using cannabis. The fact that I am doing anything active is an adventure, in my opinion,  having had the pain take that away for so long.  I made a mental checklist of upcoming things that I could write about (a wedding, power-lifting competition, maybe some fishing or crabbing?).  Before committing, I wanted to make sure I had enough content to cover at least a few months of writing; I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to fail.  I assured myself that these days I am getting more done in one day than I did in a week when the chronic pain was all-consuming.  I reminded myself that I am back walking for 90 minutes every day and taking road trips on the weekends.  I agreed to this new job assignment with confidence that I could keep up my end of the deal and stay active and go on adventures!

Little did I know that between the time that I wrote my first article My Cannabis Story: Marijuana Life Begins last week and submitting my article for this week, something monumental and life altering would happen!  I had no clue that I would make the decision to take a trip, by myself.  I haven’t done that since I was diagnosed with MS 11 years ago.  I still travel, just NEVER alone.  I need to have my clan with me, the people who KNOW me, KNOW what I am going through and KNOW what I can and can’t do.

Not only did I decide to take a trip, it was a trip that involved air travel, one of the BIG dreads for many living with an invisible disease like MS.  The sites, sounds, noises and crowds of the airport send me into a spiral of symptoms.  Foggy brain and blurry vision are my top two, so it’s like I have had a few too many shots, but sober me is on the inside, just desperately trying to keep it together and not have security question me about being drunk.   Anxiety about flight times, TSA checks and being surrounded by strangers all ensure that it will not be a pleasant experience. It’s no longer the fun adventure that it once was – even when traveling with three young kids, I loved getting out and meeting new people – the airport was always filled with strangers from far away foreign places and it was exciting and fun.  Now it is just a means to an end.  If I need to get somewhere and that somewhere involves getting on a plane then I will suffer through all that it entails to get to my destination, but always with Shawn or the kids.

On Friday night, I boarded a plane all by myself and headed to Denver Colorado, to attend my first ever cannabis convention!  I have SO many stories to share – my head is nearly bursting.  I have so many things I want to tell you!  I met so many amazing people that I want to tell you about! But before I get into the details and specifics, I want to stop and acknowledge that I actually DID this shit.  As a middle-aged woman that has spent the past few years simply existing and trying to survive the pain, doing anything outside my comfort zone has seemed impossible.  I would spend every moment of every day assessing the pain and trying to talk myself into attempting the smallest of tasks, only to end up back on the couch, exhausted and consumed by the pain. I did only the bare minimum to keep things “normal” for my family, always ended each day with the burning thought “how the fuck am I going to do this again tomorrow?!?!?”

THAT is how much cannabis has changed my life!  I’m not only just saying I’m doing shit, I am ACTUALLY doing shit… and in my humble opinion, some pretty cool and amazing shit!

I should backtrack a bit here and explain just how I ended up going the Indo Expo Show – because going to ANY expo is not something I do, and going to one in a different STATE and one where I don’t know anyone is something I definitely don’t do!

I have been trying to learn about growing a few plants of my own.  I’ve reached out to some growers on IG and that is how I ended up with a message from the co-founder of a small company in Denver Colorado (Honor the Plant, which makes craft cannabis supplies to support the home grower and cannabis enthusiast.)  He has been helping me learn about growing, instructing me on how to put a grow kit together and hooking me up with great resources and people to help ensure that I have success.  After a night of learning and chatting, I was about to sign off for the night when he sent…..”You should come to the show in Denver this weekend.”  To which I believe I responded “hahaha yea right!”  He ended the evening with “flights are cheap.”

Little did he know just how huge this suggestion was.  There was no way for him to know that he was asking something life changing of me. Something bigger than anything I have done since shooting babies out of my vagina. I didn’t sleep a wink that night, tossing and turning. I kept thinking over and over again, I WANT to do this!  I WANT to be my old spontaneous and independent self who loves going new places and meeting new people.  I WANT to be the me that used to love traveling and airports.  As the night wore one I realized that I NEEDED to do this, or at least TRY and do this.

My life has changed so much since I got over the stigmas and stereotypes and decided to come off all the pharmaceutical drugs and make cannabis my medicine. The relief from the pain has allowed me to begin actually living again.  It has allowed me to “get a life” and has given me great hope that I can actually get out and help others learn about this amazing plant and share the story of how I’ve gotten my life back.  BUT, sitting behind the safety of my computer and making these claims is a far cry from actually going somewhere, actually meeting live human beings and actually connecting with others.  Going to Denver is worlds away from the confined life social media and blogging that I have been living.  Talking and writing about doing shit and actually doing it are two totally different things.  I have always been a doer – until the pain took that away and I was confined to my couch.  I could only TALK, THINK and WRITE about doing things..  Now that I am using cannabis as my medicine, I want to become a DO-ER again!  So that is how I ended up on a plane bound for Denver, Colorado.

When I arrived Saturday morning to meet up with James from Honor Cannabis, the line (or lines) went in both directions of the doors and wrapped around the building and out of site.  This was at 9:50 – the event opened at 10 – and apparently by 10:30 the fire marshal had arrived and had shut all entrances down because they were well beyond capacity.  “Fortunately” for me and James, we were already on the inside when this happened, but this also meant were were “locked’ in with what had been declared as “too many” people- we COULD leave, but that would mean NOT getting back in.  So immediately I was consumed with a sense of feeling trapped.  We were packed in with hundreds of booths with various lights, sounds and activities and it all just rendered me unable to see anything but fuzzy outlines. I was unable to think much of anything but “holy shit, this was the biggest mistake of my life.”  Panic set in, but I didn’t want to disappoint my new (and ONLY) friend James.  More importantly I didn’t want to disappoint myself. I didn’t want to give up.  I had made it this far, I could make it through the day…..

But I told myself, even though it didn’t seem the event was going to be anything like what I had imagined, and even though the minute I walked into the expo I knew it was not a smart idea in regards to my MS and symptoms, the fact is… I was THERE!!!  I had made it!   I had gotten my ass on a plane, all by myself, and I had taken a trip to a new city and met complete strangers that will now forever be by my friends.  All of that made the trip so worthwhile. So, on Saturday night, as I sat sharing a glass of wine with the old high school friend I was staying with, I announced that I wasn’t going back to the second day of the show.  I suggested we go for a hike with dogs instead…little did I know that the following day I would actually return to the convention and have one of my Top 10 Best Days ever!!

To Be Continued…